It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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