and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
