TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
