whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Your dad touched me again.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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