atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The air taste purple.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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