my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize