WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
