I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
