Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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