Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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