have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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