I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't notice because vodka
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
