Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
