How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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