I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize