Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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