tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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