Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
