He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize