You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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