You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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