My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize