That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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