I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
