It's Friday. Sex?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
