Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
