Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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