If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
