Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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