just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
