Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
