just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
