Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
