for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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