i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
