I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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