Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
