Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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