drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
