I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Boobs are out for the taking
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
