Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
