Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
