i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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