dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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