Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
