Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
