I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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