Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
