Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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