God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
