If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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