your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
