can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
