where am i from again
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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