I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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