it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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