thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
