I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Bring me that man meat
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
