I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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