I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
