Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
