Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
