He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
