I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
