even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
