I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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