I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
