That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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