like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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