Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
