how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
