Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
