if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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