is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's always time for handjobs
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
