Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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