So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
